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Sep. 14th, 2009 @ 07:37 pm Laughing is better than the other option.
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"Hollywood Casting Cheat Sheet."

How to avoid discussions of transphobia and sexism.

No comment needed, I think.
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Aug. 28th, 2009 @ 09:33 pm "If Black Women Were White Women"
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"What if suddenly, instantly, the power of white femininity were transferred to black women?"?

Read this article. Wow wow wow.

(It's modeled off of Gloria Steinem's "If Men Could Menstruate," which the author links to here if you haven't read it.)
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Aug. 12th, 2009 @ 06:57 pm "If women would just say what they want!"
Current Mood: dissatisfied
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Been seeing the topic of Nice Guys being brought up a lot lately (if not that exact term, the general subject of how [straight] guys are at just such a disadvantage with women, and it's really not their fault for whatever skeevy options they end up turning to, honest). For instance, see this Salon article.

Been wanting to write about it, while also being paranoid about my writing and/or the potential public response to my writing to put a concerted effort into it. But. I don't want to go completely silent, so here we go.

One of the premises that I've seen bandied about is that a Nice Guy isn't creepy for hanging around in hopes that a woman who has never expressed romantic interest in him will suddenly admit that, yes, she has wanted this man all along ... It's the fault of the woman for never telling him that she isn't interested in him, and "stringing him along."

"If only she would be honest and say 'no' immediately, the guy wouldn't get his hopes up and be hurt when she led him on! If only she would say what she wants!"

And when you put it that way, well, yeah. Who doesn't want their (potential) dating partner to be honest about their feelings? Why don't women say no? Yes, we fear angry and/or violent reprisal sometimes, but for your everyday decent guy, that's not typically an immediate concern. It sounds like we're just chickening out of telling the truth.

Except that this is a specific scenario, in which the woman's (lack of) interest is a given fact, and the only question is whether or not she'll be honest about it.

And a woman's level of interest isn't always trusted as if it were a given fact. We're questioned and mistrusted and undermined all the time. In the case of Nice Guys who we're not interested in, this comes in the form of questions like, "Why don't you like him/me? He's/I'm such a nice guy!" "What do you mean he's creepy? He's just attentive. Isn't that what women want?" "Why don't you just give him a chance [or, if they've already tried dating, one more date]?" The woman only thinks she isn't interested, but really she isn't being charitable enough. She just needs to be less picky, less bitchy. The implication is that the woman's taste, intelligence, emotional maturity, or expectations are at fault. This criticism can be belittling or increasingly hostile as the exchange continues. Think of the "nice" guy who tries to pick up a woman at a bar, and, when she turns him down, tries to "convince" her to change her response.

So, it's true that women aren't always met with (immediate) anger when they say no. Instead, they're met with distrust, and the assumption that they don't really know what they want. And then if the woman gives in, gives the guy another shot, and still doesn't like him (because that was her actual feeling all along)? Then she's been a tease.

So our options are: say no, be disbelieved and have our opinions belittled, give up and continue on with the guy, then be called a tease.

Or: just tolerate the guy, then be called a tease.

Quite an appealing set of options we've got, there.

(For a longer, more thorough article that explicitly links these socialized behavior patterns to sexual assault, see this post from Fugitivus.)
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Apr. 9th, 2009 @ 12:49 pm Asian Women Carnival #1
Current Mood: pleased
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[info]ciderpress (LJ) has posted the first Asian Women Carnival!

I haven't had a big chunk of time in which I could sit down and read through everything, so instead I've been reading a post here or there, spending a few minutes at a time. And that's been better, in a way, because then I get to savor each individual post instead of trying to digest all this emotion and wisdom and passion at once. I am so, so loving it.
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Apr. 2nd, 2009 @ 06:24 pm 5 things make an anti-oppression post
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( Some personal background explaining the reasons behind this post )

1. For those who are still asking, "What is RaceFail '09?" the briefest answer I can manage is: what started as another instance of the discussion about misrepresentation/lack of representation of people of color in science fiction and fantasy has resulted in a particularly public and particularly ugly backlash from (often white) writers and readers.

For a timeline of specific events, please start with this summary by Avalon's Willow. Further events occurred later, as described here by [info]rydra_wong, who has also painstakingly collected all the RaceFail-related links she could find, under this tag

If you're ready for further detail, please see my LiveJournal memories for (what I consider) some of the important posts.

And finally, please refer to this guide to the positive, productive actions taken by POC and allies in the face of RaceFail. Not because of. In the face of.

Read as much as you can. Learn as much as you can. If you take nothing else away from this, remember these two things: This is not "just another wankfest," because it's about race, racism, and representation - not individual personality clashes and this or that book. Also, this is not the first or only such conversation, even if it's the first time you've heard of one like this.

2. One of the best responses to RaceFail has, by far, been the creation of Verb Noire, an e-publishing company dedicated to written works by and about people of color and/or queer people. Please support them by donating.

3.I've posted this before, but remember: if you are an Asian woman or an ally, please contribute to the first Asian Women Blog Carnival. The deadline is tomorrow.

4. This is not a new study (it was published in 2007), but it's highly relevant: Subtle Discrimination is More Taxing On The Brain. Instances of ambiguous racism were more detrimental to black test subjects than obvious cases.

"Interestingly, white volunteers were more impaired by overt racism than by the more ambiguous discrimination. Salvatore and Shelton figure this is because whites rarely experience any racism; they do not even notice the subtle forms of racism, and are thrown off balance when they are hit over the head by overt acts. Many blacks, by contrast, have developed coping strategies for the most hateful kinds of racism; it's the constant, vague, just-below-the-surface acts of racism that impair performance, day in and day out."


This is why I'm more disturbed by expressions of privileged ignorance from people whom I have some trust in, rather than dude-on-the-street spouting a racial slur. This is why I care more about creative works that fail in race or other areas when they come from creators who should know better, based on their previous performance (Joss Whedon, I'm looking at you).

5. This is not race-related, but it's important: March 31st was End the R-word Day, a day dedicated to ending the use of "retard"/"retarded" as a derogatory term.

I have succeeded in removing the word from my vocabulary, but I've utterly failed in speaking out to the people around me. There's no excuse for this. I wouldn't tolerate people using "cunt," "pussy," or "gay" as insults to me, so I can't tolerate "retard" used in the same manner.

I will start by resolving to respond to derogatory uses of "retard"/"retarded" by saying, "Please don't use 'retard'/'retarded' as an insult." That's all. It's just a start.
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Feb. 23rd, 2009 @ 09:01 pm Two things you can do for women
Current Mood: hopeful
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Yes, you! From the comfort of your computer chair!

1. Donate to Home Alive

Home Alive is a Seattle-based anti-violence organization that has presented community-based responses to violence since 1993. However, severe lack of funding has caused them to cut back on their work, and even lose their office space. They are very much in need of financial support right now.

( More details on the situation )

Please consider donating to help keep Home Alive functional. Every little bit helps.

2. Support the first Asian Women Blog Carnival

[info]ciderpress (LiveJournal) is launching this carnival in April. The call for submissions has details and background, but ( here's the basic information: )

According to these criteria, every single one of you is eligible to contribute to this carnival! You have until April 3 - go for it!

x-posted to LJ
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Feb. 18th, 2009 @ 08:30 pm Fail, Penny Arcade, fail
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: "Metal Heart," Garbage
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I like Penny Arcade, I really do. Even though I'm a more of a tabletop gamer than a video gamer, I find them clever. This made me lol. This is one of my favorite webcomics of all time. I enjoy their con. I think their Child's Play charity is awesome - so yes, I know they do charity, and no, I don't think that means it's impossible for them to unwittingly act like assholes.*

And, okay, yeah, I don't expect them to be particularly progressive. I go to them for laughs and geekery - and, as with much of my geekery, I don my armor and hold my breath and hope to get through unscathed.

The misogynist insults? Made me roll my eyes, but the joke itself was funny - and, notably, would've been just as effective with non-sexist language - so I just tried to ignore it. (And please, no bullshitting about how the language isn't anti-woman just because it wasn't directed at a woman, or some such. "Bitch" and "pussy" are blatantly gendered insults, and are used to deride women, or "feminized" men - gay men, weak men, etc.)

Of course, it was easier to ignore before they made a T-shirt of it.

Then there's this. (And yes, it's an old strip, but I found it because it was linked in a recent newspost - without the slightest hint of apology or embarrassment.) It's always fun to be reminded that, if I commit the offense of being inebriated and annoying while female, I deserve to be reduced to "some bitch" or a "drunken whore." As a note of comparison, I doubt they would refer to me as "some chink." I wonder if they would refer to an inebriated and annoying gay man as "some fag." None of these forms of derogatory language are okay - not the homophobic language, not the racist language, not the sexist language.

And finally, ( there's today's strip )

*sigh* Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go apply Cerise like a balm to the soul.

*I really, really need to do that post on "niceness" and privilege.
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Sep. 19th, 2008 @ 08:48 pm Last chance to express your opposition to the so-called conscience rule
Current Mood: anxious
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[info]naamah_darling tells you exactly why it's an execrable rule, and exactly how you can help defeat it.

Please, please write an email or letter. Even if you just send an email saying nothing more than, "I oppose the proposed provider conscience regulation," that will tell them that one more person does not want this rule to go into effect.

You may not be as passionate about reproductive rights as me. You may not agree, in whole or in part, with my beliefs about birth control. But I hope you can see why it's frightening and infuriating that health care providers could be allowed to prevent adult, informed women from making legal choices about their own personal health.

You have less than a week left on the comment period. I don't care if you're normally not politically active. This is a simple thing to do, and it could be so important. Please write an email for the women you care about - yourself? A relative? Me?

x-posted to LJ
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Sep. 12th, 2008 @ 12:11 pm "What If Bristol Palin Were Black?"
Current Mood: cynical
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"Christian-right leaders and conservative stalwarts have praised the decision of Bristol Palin, the daughter of Governor Sarah Palin, to carry her child to term. She is 17 and conceived this child out of wedlock. Now imagine she wasn't the daughter of a prominent Republican politician but an average person. Now imagine she was black.

"What do you think conservatives would have to say about her?"

- Cenk Uygur, "What If Bristol Palin Were Black?"
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Jul. 7th, 2008 @ 08:39 pm Book talk
Current Music: "Dead End Poem," Octavia Sperati
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( Colonize This! Young Women of Color on Today's Feminism )

( Y: The Last Man volume 1(ish) )
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Apr. 24th, 2008 @ 04:26 pm rape prevention: ur doin it wrong
Current Mood: *sigh*
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From the front-page article of today's campus newspaper, "UWPD to train students in rape defense":

"One in six women is a victim of rape or attempted rape during her lifetime in Washington state. In order to combat these statistics, the University of Washington Police Department is holding a women’s self-defense class."


Uh, no. In order to combat rape, you teach people not to rape. Within the sexism-fueled rape culture that we live in, that means, first and foremost, teaching men to respect women's sexual and bodily autonomy. Providing women self-defense education so that they can keep themselves from being victimized is a stopgap solution. It can be useful, yes, but is not to be mistaken for the primary method of sexual violence prevention.

Ironic that this article comes along just as I'm reading The Macho Paradox, which describes how we mistakenly place our attention and scrutiny upon (female) victims of sexual violence, rather than looking at men, who commit the overwhelming majority of sexual violence and actually have it in their power to prevent it. Notice how the article is comfortable naming women as the primary/only targets of sexual violence - which is true - but fails to note that men are the primary perpetrators of it. Notice how it makes men, and men's responsibility to prevent themselves and their peers from committing sexual violence, disappear.

To get a sense of how ridiculous this one-sided attention is, check out [info]misia's Open Source Swift Kick to the Balls Project (a satirical response to the Open Source Boob Project). Does it seem absurd that the proposed project puts the onus on men to prevent unwanted/violent attention perpetrated upon their own bodies? How absurd is it that we do expect women to do this for themselves, every damn day?
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Apr. 22nd, 2008 @ 08:39 pm So much YES
Current Mood: fucking entitled fucking men
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"On a serious note, when I'm having low self esteem times and I notice I'm doing things to get external validation (especially sexualized validation), I do a little self check in to make sure I actually want to do the thing. Also, while positive external attention can be a nice little ego boost, it can not create self esteem or security. Those, by nature, have to come from inside.

Also also, while I have had friends have ask to feel my chest, and I have said yes, it did not heal either of us of anything. If the wound to your soul can be fixed via a boob grab, then it must have been more of a soul papercut."

Yes, yes, yes. I cannot say it enough. This ties into so many things I believe about women's (lack of) self-esteem and its connection to the objectification of women's bodies. It's just ... yes.

(If you want context, you may follow the link and figure it out. Myself, I don't want to give the dipshit author of the original post in question any extra publicity. On the other hand, this sparkymonster person seems like quite a fine individual.)
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Apr. 22nd, 2008 @ 10:35 am Adam Hughes' Women of DC Comics poster
Current Mood: geeky
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Posted here.

On the one hand, this is just a pretty, pretty image. I like Hughes' style, and the way his lines just look ... graceful? I don't know; I don't have the vocabulary to describe it.

( There's always a 'but ...' )

As a side note, [info]nenena on LiveJournal evened things up a little by posting this link to male Disney character beefcake. Questionably worksafe, but high-larious. [Edit: Link taken down because the images were posted without artist permission. The artist is David Kawena, and you can find the images here if you have a deviantART account.]
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Apr. 18th, 2008 @ 10:52 am Happy Friday
Current Mood: sleepy
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1. The first thing that makes today happy for me actually came out of an unhappy thing - I finally sat down and read through blogs to find out why everyone was pissed off at Amanda Marcotte ... and, well. Once again I am disillusioned at the behavior of many prominent white (female and male) feminist bloggers. Once again an eloquent woman of color has been silenced so forcefully that she has left the feminist blogosphere. It's happened before. I continue to shy away from mainstream feminist blogs. I will not be buying Marcotte's book. At this point, I'm feeling cynical and kind of detached.

But the good thing that came out of this? Following the links and comments led me to rediscover Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "Letter from a Birmingham Jail." I first read this in high school, back when I still didn't Get It - but even then, the words stuck with me. And now, going back, I rediscovered the following passage, which still rings painfully true:

"I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to 'order' than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: 'I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action'; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a 'more convenient season.' Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection."*


People often forget that that MLK was a radical.

2. [info]ratzeo came over last night, and we just got to geek out together, me drawing and him DSing ... I like that we can have a good time around each other as well as with each other (as in, when we are actually doing the same thing). All in all, a perfect way to usher in Friday.

3. On a more frivolous and shallow note, my coffee maker shipped from Amazon today and is scheduled to arrive on Monday, whee! Now I just need to, you know, get some coffee to actually make with it.

4. I wish I could be home right now, drawing. I'm really glad I feel that desire.

5. I don't have any plans for tomorrow, and that actually makes me happy. It means I get to do whatever I want, and I don't have to figure out what that is until tomorrow.

* On a slightly irrelevant and totally geeky sidenote, this is a classic example of Lawful Neutral alignment. It is also the reason I dislike Lawful Neutral the most out of the non-evil alignments.
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Apr. 15th, 2008 @ 11:31 am Joss Whedon on the murder of Dua Khalil
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Today I found a link to Joss Whedon's commentary on the murder of Dua Khalil, a young woman who was killed almost exactly one year ago. Her death is yet another instance of the abuse of women being treated as a spectator sport - and in the year since, that has not changed. The reason Joss' entry surfaced again is that a charity anthology, Nothing But Red, was written to commemorate Khalil's murder and raise money for Equality Now, and it has just been released.

I never read Joss' entry last year, but I'm glad I found it now. If you are like me and also missed it, I want to bring this it to your attention now for two reasons: the first is that, as to be expected, Joss writes very eloquently about Khalil's death, as well as the pervasiveness of misogyny and sexual oppression.

The second reason is this quote:

"Women’s inferiority – in fact, their malevolence -- is as ingrained in American popular culture as it is anywhere they’re sporting burkhas. I find it in movies, I hear it in the jokes of colleagues, I see it plastered on billboards, and not just the ones for horror movies. Women are weak. Women are manipulative. Women are somehow morally unfinished."


I appreciate that Joss does not use this event as a call to arms for feminism that relies on perpetuating racist and imperialist power differences. In other words, he does not seek to protect women from misogyny by redirecting our malice against non-white men and non-U.S. cultures. Too often, the response - the feminist response, even - to news such as this is one of, "Look how awful they are," and "We should help those women over there." Villainizing minority men, infantilizing minority women, and ignoring the whole heap of steaming bullshit that is sexism in the United States.

I do not feel safe from misogyny for being born in the U.S. In fact, when my so-called "liberal" or "progressive" male peers decry "foreign" sexism but refuse to acknowledge the necessity of combatting or even acknowledging their own privilege - I don't feel very safe at all. Finding one more male ally who not only challenges his male privilege, but also refuses to soothe his ego by relying on his racial privilege, gives me some hope.
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Apr. 1st, 2008 @ 08:35 pm Meta rec
Current Mood: thinky
Current Music: "The Minnow & The Trout," A Fine Frenzy
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Head on over to [info]oyceter's (LJ) post on alpha males in fiction for some great discussion. The original post is specifically about mainstream heterosexual romance novels, but of course the alpha male trope shows up in romantic relationships in all kinds of fiction. It's a great read for those coming from feminist perspectives but who enjoy fictional romance - and who know why I put that "but" in there.

I was particularly glad to find this in light of my earlier entry about my struggles with fictional portrayals of "romantic." Not only is it nice to find people who agree with me in a hey-I'm-not-alone way, but it helped clarify some things in my head.

( Some highlights )

( My additions )
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Mar. 9th, 2008 @ 12:23 pm Andrea Smith denied tenure
Current Mood: pissed off
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Assistant Professor Andrea Smith was denied tenure by the University of Michigan. The press release regarding the denial can be found at http://www.woclockdown.org/ImmediateRelease-TenureForAndreaSmith.pdf in PDF format, or pasted on La Chola.

Smith is one of the foremost indigenous feminist scholars and activists working today. By that I don't mean that she's only important to "indigenous feminism" - she's vital to both indigenous rights and feminism. Writing about indigenous women is indigenous scholarship. Working for indigenous women is feminist activism. If either of these groups forgets how necessary she and her work are to their movements, they're cutting themselves off at the knees.

Note that, while the Program in American Culture recommended Smith for tenure,
the Department of Women's Studies, where she is jointly appointed, did not. As a result, the College of Literature, Sciences, and the Arts also gave a negative tenure recommendation.

You can read in the press release about Smith's publications and service and nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize. I personally first heard of Smith when taking a course by Luana Ross, who was one of Smith's former professors. We were assigned Smith's book, Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide, which analyzes the ways in which sexual violence was and is central to the genocide of indigenous peoples in the United States. This book is insightful and infuriating, and I recommend it to anyone. If you know me offline, I will loan you my copy.

In conclusion? This fucking bites.

(hat-tip: Oyceter)
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Feb. 4th, 2008 @ 07:35 pm Time to take stock
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: "Turn Off the Light," Nelly Furtado
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( I think I'm in a rut. )
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Dec. 18th, 2007 @ 11:55 am Return of "The Nice Guy"
Current Mood: *eyeroll*
Tags: ,

Hey, girls! Don't you know that when a guy provides you with emotional intimacy, it is your obligation to be "reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy"?

No? Well, that's why you can't find a Nice Guy to date, obviously. Because don't you know, having an emotional connection with someone is only and ever important to a dude for the sake of getting at the poontang.

Yeah, it's more "Women are shallow bitches! I only treat you well because I expect sex in return! ... Women must not like me because I'm too nice, right?" ranting from another socially backward privilege-boy drowning in his own sense of entitlement. The letter itself is pretty painful to read, with the amount of "That? I deserve that because I have a penis" going on.

Luckily, Mightgodking's response makes it all worthwhile. And Ragnell has a more productive and slightly less snarky breakdown of The Nice Guy here.

I admit that The Nice Guy is kind of a sore spot for me, because I had plenty of personal experience with the phenomenon back in high school. And then, interestingly enough, my relationship with [info]ratzeo started out with some of the same structure that Nice Guys attempt to exploit - he was my best friend who also helped me through some dating woes. But then (shockingly!) he did not expect me to fall over myself with gratitude at the fact that he was a decent person, nor to express that gratitude with sexual favors. In fact, when we started dating a long time later, we entered into a mutually respectful relationship that wasn't predicated on him fostering a false sense of guilt-ridden indebtedness in me. And, wonder of wonders, that made me a lot happier. Who knew.

So, yeah - as someone who has been inflicted with The Nice Guy, as someone whose partner could have been a Nice Guy but wasn't, and as someone who herself was socially awkward and could have become a Nice Girl - I have no sympathy. Guys like this neither need, nor deserve, anything beyond a bit of social education and their own right hands.
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Sep. 20th, 2007 @ 03:56 pm Upcoming events
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( V-Day: Until the Violence Stops )

( Queer Night at the Movies )

( Q Center and GBLTC Welcome Luncheon )

( Violence Prevention Resource Event )

( The Epidemic of Violence Against Native Women )

( Dating Safety 101 )

( The Masculinity Dilemma in Violence Prevention )

( Faye Wattleton )
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