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Apr. 13th, 2009 @ 05:05 pm 5 happy things
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Between work and dashing off to a meeting with my old Women Studies classmates -

1. OUR APARTMENT IS BACK!!! The work was completed on Friday(-ish ... the carpet was shampooed, and it wasn't really dry until the end of the weekend), but on top of that we were faced with the prospect of cleaning up the detritus of the repairs, re-assembling our apartment, and moving out of our campsite in the empty unit. But we did it! And we're back home!!

2. [info]ratzeo and I did the bulk of the work on Saturday. Well, correction - [info]ratzeo did a big-ass load of the work on Friday night, while I was taking a nap. (Sneaky wonderful bastard. :P) But anyway, by the time we were done it was past 8:00 in the evening, I was tired and didn't want to cook, but I was starving and also wanted to get the hell out of our apartment for a bit. We ended up going to the Sand Point Grill to try it out. Not only was the food delicious, they have a Saturday special where a fixed price gets you a three-course meal made from local ingredients. A nice little place, and we plan to go back when we have another reason for a fancy-ish (read: pricey) dinner.

3. I got an ergonomic keyboard at work to help with my tendonitis, and I'm totally in love with it. I think it's helping the pain - I have a brace that I've been wearing, so it's already been getting better, but I think the keyboard is helping on top of that. Plus it's got quieter keys than my old clacky keyboard. I kind of want to steal it for home on the weekends. :x

4. Vienna Teng's new CD, Inland Territory, is lovely. And I get to see her perform it live next week!

5. The aforementioned meeting. I haven't seen these ladies in months (or more!).
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Apr. 7th, 2009 @ 08:35 pm If it's not about you, it's not about you
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I've heard that phrase a lot in relation to conversations about oppression and privilege - a reminder to members of privileged groups not to take criticisms of privilege as directed at them individually, or as criticisms of their personal character. I know it, and of course I think it's important. But, uh, it's not always easy to remember it myself.

So, I wanted to rewrite that sex question meme, right? And I did, with lots of help from others. But of course, that doesn't mean that it's perfect, and today I saw some comments criticizing a couple of questions in the new meme.

( In which I attempt to do some learning, and maybe teaching, from my mistakes )

I don't think I'm going to issue yet another version of the meme, because I can see myself editing it into eternity. I'll probably include a note with a link to this post, acknowledging that there are still problematic questions, that the meme can be answered partially or not at all according to people's preference, and that other, better ones can and should be made.
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Mar. 26th, 2009 @ 12:19 pm 5 happy things vs. the wettening
Current Mood: hungry
Tags: , ,

The latest news on our apartment is that it's less full of noisy fans (about half of them were removed), but the ones that remain will be there for another week. :| I don't much like the idea of staying in this holding pattern, but as long as the forward progress continues, I'll take it even if it's slow.

To keep my mood up, here are some happy things ...

1. I went to the gym yesterday after work. Part of me didn't want to go, because it was another obligation on top of everything I'm dealing with. But really, my weariness is both mental and physical, so getting in a workout where I just concentrated on healthy physical movement did me good.

2. I wrote a fic last night, my first one in over a month. Considering how mentally wiped I've been since before the whole mess with the flood, I'm especially happy I managed some creative output under these circumstances. It was a really quick, spit-it-out-and-post-the-first-draft fic, but strangely enough I'm happy about that. It means I could write something imperfect and post it without agonizing over it.

3. The process of writing was also quite fun ... The only piece of furniture we took to the vacant apartment was our mattress, so I sat at the foot of the bed with my laptop in my lap. [info]ratzeo, who was already asleep, was within easy reach, and Kershach chose to curl up right next to where I sat, so I could pet him as I typed. It was totally quiet, no fans going or street noise, just me and my boys. ♥

4. It's sunny today! It actually is starting to feel like the beginning of spring.

5. I don't remember everything I dreamed about last night, but I do know it included a super-slashy Batman/Nightwing sequence. Great mood booster, first thing in the morning. XD
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Mar. 24th, 2009 @ 01:06 pm Flood update
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: "Bless the Child," Nightwish
Tags: ,

I should say, because I didn't in my last post, that [info]ratzeo and I are really grateful about how lucky we were. I mean, if you're going to have catastrophic leaking that's so bad that it requires the loss of your floor and ceiling, this is the way to have it. We didn't lose any furniture to water damage, and I don't think any of our books got damaged.

I think the lack of irreversible damage is part of why we're managing to be pretty calm about all of this. I mean, for [info]ratzeo to be un-stressed is impressive, but for me it's downright unheard of. There was a point at which this kind of situation would've prompted me to rail at the heavens or whine a lot or cry or something. I feel like I've made progress, and I'm glad for it - this, plus our relative luck, means that I'm not wasting my time stressing and can just concentrate on taking care of things as they can be taken care of.

For now, we've been given access to a vacant unit in another part of the apartment complex. This is helpful, so we don't have to fall asleep to the nighttime serenade of VVVRRRRRRR from the various fans and dehumidifying machines filling our apartment. :Db

Our apartment is still habitable, in the strict sense of the word - it's just that we've got about half a dozen of those machines going and filling up the place, and to make room for them, most of our furniture has been shoved around and all the doors in our apartment have been removed. Also, in the affected area, the carpet was taken up and the padding removed, and the first layer of the ceiling was torn off. Since the living room wasn't affected, the water damage specialists put in a giant plastic sheet, cutting it off from the rest of the apartment, which provides a visual (if not audio) barrier. So, as you can imagine, it's not a terribly pleasant place to be right now.

( And poor Kershach. T_T )

So we're managing decently right now. Thanks to everyone who gave us well-wishes and offers of help. Here's hoping that the repairs go smoothly and we can go back to living in our home soon ...
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Mar. 23rd, 2009 @ 12:55 pm Well, fuck.
Current Mood: aggravated
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I woke up this morning around 3:30 a.m. when [info]ratzeo got up because he heard a leak.

There was not a leak in our ceiling.

There were, in fact, several continuous leaks, from various points in our ceiling, ranging from the kitchen to the hallway and the front of our bedroom.

Cue lots of running around to locate all the culprits and apply towels to soak up water and/or pots to collect it, moving valuables (like D&D books) to avoid damage, attempting to raise our apartment manager, and wrangling the cat - who thought our middle-of-the-night activity was all very exciting, and doesn't this mean it's time for him to unleash the midnight zoomies?

The apartment above us had it worse - water was literally coming down in streams from their ceiling. The apartment above them told the manager, when she went to investigate, that they had no leaks.* Enter the plumber a couple of hours later, and it turns out that this supposedly non-leaking apartment has a faulty water heater, which was spewing water into the floor. My manager informed me of this, and said that once the residents of the apartment left for work, the water heater would be turned off, which would stop the accumulation of water.**

Now our carpet is being torn up, our apartment filled with dehumidifying machines, and our ceiling possibly ripped out. On the positive side, it looks like the water concentrated on floors and counters, and may have avoided our actual stuff. We'll see when we get home and have more time to poke around. Cross your fingers for us, please!

*Grouchy aside #1. Just because you don't notice a leak doesn't mean you don't have one. I've had experience with an upstairs toilet leaking (clean, thankfully) water onto our residence below - the upstairs tenants had no idea, because it didn't leak any water onto their floor, but they tracked down the source and turned off the water. I wonder how much time was wasted (and thus, water accumulated) because the tenants halted the investigation into their apartment. (Granted, I don't know the exact nature of the exchange, because it was related to me secondhand by the manager, so I may be giving them too little credit.)
**Grouchy aside #2. This may be an uncharitable reading, but it sure sounds to me like they said, "I could forgo my morning shower/take a cold shower so we can turn off the water heater now and save my downstairs neighbors some extra water damage ... but naaaah." (See disclaimer re: grouchy aside #1.)
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Mar. 6th, 2009 @ 07:48 pm *whiny voice*
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: "Does Your Mother Know," Mamma Mia! soundtrack
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Stupid body. Stupid body with recurring sickness. Stupid body that won't give me enough energy to get all my goals done. Stupid body that's too tired to concentrate at work. Stupid body that won't even give my doctor answers through blood tests.

*sigh*

/whine

On the positive side, my immersion blender arrived today in the mail, so I can puree my homemade lentil soup (my "sick" food and general staple in my diet) like it's supposed to be. And later I'm going to experiment with other blend-y things, like cream of tomato soup. And once it gets warmer, I can play around with cold things like milkshakes and smoothies.

In addition, along with the blender, my Amazon order included the Mamma Mia! movie soundtrack. Which makes me absurdly happy, because I'm a dork. :P
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Feb. 3rd, 2009 @ 07:44 pm Staying accountable
Current Mood: sick
Tags: , , , ,

I'm trying to figure out how to get back into my New Year's goals, and, well, I've decided to try making more goals. Last year (prior to the new job), I got pretty comfortable making daily or weekly to-do lists, and that generally kept me on track with what I wanted to do.

Because I'm still feeling my way around regarding the levels of time, energy, and skill I can call upon, I don't want to make the goals to constricting, so I'm organizing them by category. Each category is something I want to engage in on a (nearly) daily basis, though the exact activity can vary. So I figure if I just set the goal of "one from each category" every day, that should guide me toward spending my time the way I want to, without bringing in an excessive level of obligation.

It's also a way of keeping track of how I spend my time. That's why I'm including activities like spending time with [info]ratzeo - these aren't "tasks" that I need to have "done," but they're worthwhile things I am happy to spend my time on, so I want to acknowledge that.

( More details below, probably tl;dr )
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Feb. 2nd, 2009 @ 02:16 pm Sick again (still?)
Current Mood: sick
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Attempting to recover at home. It helps a lot that both of my boys are here ([info]ratzeo doesn't need to be on campus today, and Kershach is ... well, doing his kitty thing and chilling out near me).

I've been thinking a lot about my New Year's goals - namely, how I haven't been fulfilling them. I've done some things, like writing bits of fic, but I've fallen behind on my reading goal and I haven't even touched my sketchbook. I'm still falling into the pattern of: go to work, go to gym (on certain days), come home, feel too tired to do anything productive until it's time to go to sleep. And then do it all over again.

There have been some improvements: primarily, I'm not stressing as much about work. I have let myself worry - because I can't not worry about things, and not letting myself do so would just stress me out more - but I've been improving my ability to do so proportionally. How long do I think about the stress? How large do I let it loom in my thought process? How much fear do I feel about the possibility of failure? How likely is that failure, really? And what alternatives are there even if the failure occurs? How much do I express my stress to others, or let it affect my interactions with others? etc. There are a lot of areas I can exert control over, and I am in the (neverending) process of bringing those areas under my control.

Of course, I have to be honest and acknowledge that one of the reasons I am doing well is that the high-stress period of my job is over. It's definitely easier to manage stress when I can say to myself, "That was the hardest part, and I already did it." This isn't ideal - I should be able to manage my worries even without having the payoff of "I did it and didn't die" giving me a boost. I need to be able to manage my stress even when I still have the potential failure/catastrophe/whatever still looming over my head.

Anyway. Besides that area, I do need to work on how to make better use of my time. I don't have a lot of hours between getting home in the evening and my bedtime, but there are enough to get things done, especially if I work little-by-little on a daily basis.

I don't want to let days, months, 2009 pass by in a blur. I want to engage in productive and fulfilling activities, even if I don't manage to do so every single day. I'm not sure, at this point, how to do it. (Of course, my brain is fuzzy with teh sick, so that might have something to do with it.)

So my goal for the week is a meta-goal: figure out how to make goals so that I can spend my time in the ways I really want to. I'm going to think about what kinds of goals to make, and how often, and how to reinforce them. That should give me a good start, at least.
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Jan. 2nd, 2009 @ 02:16 pm For the New Year
Current Mood: lunch-ing
Tags: , , , , , ,

Welcome to 2009! Here's hoping that, however well or poorly 2008 treated you, your 2009 will be better.

I'm going to use the New Year as a time to formalize the goals I've been developing over the past few months (and post them here in order to make myself accountable), so here we go:

( This gets long )

Here's to a good year.
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Dec. 22nd, 2008 @ 12:54 pm Happy birthday to me
Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: "Mission Street," Vienna Teng
Tags: , ,

Here is how I've spent the morning of my birthday so far:

- Sleeping in!

- [info]ratzeo woke me up long enough to tell me that he and his parents agreed that he should not try to travel, and he will be staying here for Christmas. I'm sad that neither of us gets to be with our parents for the holiday, but I'm happy that we'll be together.

- My parents called (waking me up, but I don't care) to wish me a happy birthday.

- A few minutes into the phone call, I heard "Maow maow maow," as Kershach made his calling meow (when he walks around asking 'where are you guys?') and found me in bed. This is unusual, because Kershach typically follows anyone who's awake, so since [info]ratzeo was already up, Kershach should have stuck with him and hung out in the living area. But he hopped up onto the bed and indulged in a belated birthday-morning cuddle. So while I was talking to my parents (and eventually [info]kyonkun, who also called with birthday wishes), I was curled up with a warm, soft, snuggly, fluffy ball of purr. ♥

- The university suspended operations today (which NEVER happens), so I get to stay home guilt-free! (Also pay-free, unfortunately, but that's not unreasonable.) That means that I will be able to take my personal holiday tomorrow, for a long weekend, short work-week, and hopefully plenty of time for the snow to melt and the city transportation to right itself.

And now ... now I think I shall continue what I started last night, and keep learning to play Guitar Hero. 8D
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Dec. 21st, 2008 @ 01:00 pm Change of plans
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: "Shine," Vienna Teng
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Turns out that I won't be visiting my parents for Christmas. The weather is so bad down there that they don't even want to leave the house to go to work (and I really hope that they don't have to), so driving out to the train station to pick up me and [info]kyonkun isn't feasible.

So. On the one hand, I'm sad that I won't get to see my parents on my birthday, and on Christmas. Also, I was really looking forward to a week off of work - now that I'm not going anywhere it doesn't make sense to use my vacation time, so I should save it and just go to work normally.

But I'm trying to look on the bright side, and there are some good things to come out of this:

- I got a full refund on my train tickets, rather than having to forfeit some or all of the cost.
- I'll still visit my parents sometime later (probably February), and this time it will be on our own terms, rather than the timing of the holiday. Admittedly, it would've been nice to celebrate Christmas and my birthday with them, but in the end they're just days.
- I can still take Monday (my birthday) off of work, because I need to use my "personal holiday," the one day of free vacation time we get each year (which expires if we don't use it by the end of the year).
- This means that I will get to see [info]ratzeo off before he leaves for his parents', and we'll spend my birthday together for the first time.
- While I won't get a whole week vacation off of work, between my personal holiday, the Christmas holiday, and the New Year's Day holiday, I won't have to work a full week for the next two weeks. That, combined with the fact that I already worked to get ahead when I was planning to be out of the office for a week, means that I should have a relatively easy week ahead of me.
- I also won't have to leave my baby. XD;;; I was working really hard on not worrying about leaving Kershach alone for four days, but no matter how much anxiety I got rid of, I still felt some ... I will still have to leave him alone someday, of course; but whenever that happens, we will have that much extra time together beforehand, so that he can settle in to indoor life, and I can keep working on releasing my new-mommy anxiety.
- I will also have regular internet access. ^_^; I know that's not a big deal, but it will be nice to be able to work on my email RPs with people.

So this means that I'll be around all week. [info]ratzeo will be gone, but luckily [info]kyonkun will be here, so I will have at least one family member to celebrate Christmas with. XD
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Dec. 15th, 2008 @ 02:45 pm A reminder to myself
Current Mood: pensive
Tags: ,

A couple of people know that I've been having a very difficult time with work lately. I think [info]ratzeo is the only person who knows all the details about all of the issues (by virtue of living with me and getting to hear me vent and/or decompress every time something happens - lucky him). In brief, a combination of the rigors of my new position, crises within my job as well as throughout the university, and my continued bumpy transition from student-hood to "adult" life, have left me struggling.

It's not a big deal, any moreso than what other people experience in any of those circumstances. But you know what they say about your own problems being bigger because they're your own, etc. etc. Anyway, suffice it to say, I've been dealing with some stress, frustration, and discouragement, as well as trying to reconcile the things that have been causing them.

Today I found out that a colleague has been diagnosed with cancer. I've known her for years, but since we work in different departments I don't know her very closely; still, I know her well enough to know how much of a loss it would be if she doesn't recover.

And sadly, it seems like I needed something this much bigger than me to give me some perspective. I thought I was dealing with my difficulties well enough, but in light of this news I can feel how much I've been granting them undue magnitude. I can treat my problems seriously and give them due consideration without treating them as all-consuming, as you should treat things like - well, not quite life-threatening illness, I don't think I've been that bad - but things that are bigger than what I'm dealing with.

I've been giving my job the central position in my life, and thus devoting the bulk of my mental energy to it, and also letting the stress from it determine the bulk of my mood. And I've known this, and been working on it, but in light of today's news I realize in no uncertain terms that I should change it now.

Something to think about. I don't know quite how to meet this new goal yet. I do know that if I can let my work problems leak over into the rest of my life (which has a real effect, even if it's "just" mental), I can do the reverse with the happy parts of my life. Let them leak everywhere.

I want to say more, but my lunch break is over and I should get back to that work I just mentioned (with a more positive mindset).
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Oct. 13th, 2008 @ 02:29 pm Because I need this
Current Mood: stressed
Tags: , , ,

I did this once before, but I think I need to do it again, because a straightforward list of "5 happy things" isn't much help when my mind is still occupied by stress even with the happiness. So let's try it again.

( 5 complaints, with 5 happy responses )
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Oct. 7th, 2008 @ 07:49 pm Cat update, day 5
Current Mood: tired
Tags: ,

I should have known this would happen. I sort of panicked last night about the cat.

( Details below, possibly boring and/or TMI for anyone other than myself )

( And today )

( General status update notes )
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Aug. 29th, 2008 @ 09:21 am Quiet
Current Mood: relaxed
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I'm the only one in my office today. o_o Both of my office-mates are on vacation today, presumably to take advantage of the Labor Day holiday. In any case, it means I'm all alone - plus, since our office is located at the very back of our departmental suite-thingy, it's super quiet in this whole area.

Today might be one of those days when I get up and walk over to co-workers when I have questions for them, rather than just emailing or calling them. *lonely*

In other news, today is my last day in the office for a bit - I'm taking some vacation myself, and I won't be be back to work until a week from Monday. ^_______^ [info]ratzeo and I are going to use this week to finish unpacking (though we're almost done, huzzah!), go shopping for household supplies, spruce the place up for our housewarming, and just take it easy at home with very few outside obligations. I cannot wait.

(Please note that we do not yet have internet service in the apartment, so after I leave work today I won't have internet access until ... well, until we get hooked up, and I don't know how soon that will be. So in the meantime, if anyone local needs to get a hold of me, please give me a call.)
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Aug. 25th, 2008 @ 10:37 am <3
Current Mood: shmoopy
Tags: ,

"I guess I am doing pretty good."

I moved in to our new apartment yesterday. ♥
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Aug. 6th, 2008 @ 08:48 am Relief
Current Mood: relieved
Tags: , ,

Three things happened yesterday that have really taken a load off my mind. In ascending order:

-I'm getting a new phone at work! For some reason, when the University folks installed my work station, they gave me a phone that was different from everyone else's in the office. This means that my phone a) doesn't show the number of the caller, b) doesn't have the capacity for two phone lines, and c) doesn't give a visual cue that I have voicemail. None of these are work-stopping, but they're rather annoying and inefficient. However, we had originally been told that it would be really expensive (as in, three digits) to get this fixed, so I was told (and I reluctantly agreed) that it would be more efficient to wait until the autumn, when we are likely going to be moving around, and thus rearranging our phones, anyway.

Yesterday I was told that we were given a better quote (down to two digits), so I get a new phone! This should happen in a week or two - and I'm happy to wait that long, rather than a couple of months.

-We hired my replacement yesterday! Again, this won't go into effect for about two weeks, but at least the end of half-days-at-the-job-I-no-longer-have is in sight!

-Yesterday after work, [info]ratzeo and I signed the lease to our new apartment. ♥ This is a place that I had actually looked at last week, and even started the application process for, but I waffled a lot because of the size. I love everything else about the apartment, and the apartment complex is great and well-reviewed, but the apartment is an oversized one-bedroom. So it's about the size of a decent two-bedroom (and probably less expensive), but I worried that this wouldn't be enough space/rooms for the two of us, because we're both people who need our space. Poor [info]kyonkun and [info]shadawyn have heard about my concerns at length. :P

But on Monday our (larger) first choice apartment fell through, so I took Sean to see this apartment in person yesterday. With the two of us there, it was easier to visualize how we would comfortably share the space - not to mention easier to visualize us making this place our home, which was a big factor - so we went ahead and signed the papers. I'm not absolutely certain we won't look for a larger space eventually, but I am mostly certain we'll be perfectly happy in this space for now.

Which means my two-month-long apartment hunt is over, whoo!

And today, I'm sitting at home in my PJs because I'm going to work two hours late. Granted, that's because I'm staying two hours late today, but at least that means I got to sleep in.
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Jul. 20th, 2008 @ 09:49 pm Thinking about strippers
Current Mood: thoughtful
Tags: , ,

So. Last night at [info]zinjadu's birthday party, she had a male stripper (courtesy of the lovely [info]lunapome). It was ... an experience. I don't know if it's an experience I necessarily needed in my life, but, uh, it's an experience and I had it. XD "Have a stranger in a thong sit on my lap and make me smack his ass" is now off of my list of things to do before I die (in case for some reason it was ever on there).

Anyway. More interesting to my nerdy brain than the embarrassingly up-close-and-personal aspect of the show was the fact that it was the closest encounter I've had with a sex worker. (I'm not sure if a man parading around in a thong should be classified as sex work any more than female models lounging around in lingerie, but in any case I don't know any sex workers personally - at least, none who have shared as much with me - so this is the closest I've come to someone who fits the category.)

( Thinking about expectations, boundaries, and gender differences )
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Jun. 12th, 2008 @ 06:49 pm Notes to myself
Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: "Sweet Revenge," Krypteria
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Posted publicly for added accountability.

*

You may think the fact that you're preparing for the departmental graduation ceremony tomorrow along with the rest of the staff, plus preparing for a conference, which requires preparing for a trip to Cincinnati, is good reason to freak out. But remember that, this time last year, you were preparing your own graduation ceremony nearly by yourself, plus preparing for finals, plus preparing for a trip to Europe. And if you didn't die then, you certainly won't die now.

*

When you get an increase in income (either the automatic pay raise, or a new and higher-paying job, both of which would happen this summer), use the extra money to set up some regular donating. Either an annual payment, or maybe a regular deduction from your paycheck if that's doable. If you're doing well right now at your current salary, any raise you receive does not necessarily need to stay with you.

*

You've bought enough CDs for now. Wait until the new ones arrive before ordering more.
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Jun. 12th, 2008 @ 08:35 am Blargh
Current Mood: nauseated
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Stomach feeling queasy this morning. Probably stress-related. Trying to relax.

Not eager to go to the gym after work. Also left my workout shoes at home. Trying to decide if physical benefit of workout = or > discomfort of inadequate shoes (or just socks?) and possible stomach blah.

In other, happier news, Nightwish's "Dark Passion Play" is very good.
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